Understanding Anger as a Force for Healing and Self-Worth
I’ve been trying to figure out why I’m feeling so much anger during my healing process. Sadness? I get that. But anger? Why is that coming up now? I keep thinking about old friends, situations, or even random encounters where I felt like my boundaries were crossed. Back then, I’d just brush it off like, “It’s not a big deal, just let it go.” But now, as I dig deeper into my healing, I’m finding myself getting retroactively angry at these people and situations. It’s got me thinking—what’s going on here? Why am I getting so mad about things that happened ages ago? Let’s dive into it.
Anger gets a bad reputation. It’s often seen as something to be avoided, something negative that we need to control or shove down. But what if we looked at anger differently? What if anger is actually a sign that something deeply important to us has been hurt or broken—like trust, love, or a sense of safety? And maybe, just maybe, anger is the part of us that loves us the most, the part that’s trying to protect us when something valuable has been violated.
At its heart, anger is often a reaction to something we care about being damaged. It’s like a warning light flashing, saying, “Hey, something here isn’t right.” It’s not just about feeling mad in the moment—it’s about a deeper recognition that something meaningful, something we hold dear, has been harmed. Maybe someone crossed a boundary, maybe they let us down, maybe they broke our trust. And anger steps in as a guardian, reminding us that what happened matters and that we deserve to be treated better.
It’s easy to think of anger as something destructive, but underneath it all, anger is trying to protect what’s precious to us—our relationships, our self-worth, and our boundaries. It’s the part of us that says, “This isn’t okay. You matter.”
We’ve been taught to fear anger and to see it as a “negative” emotion. We’re told to suppress it, to calm down, to not let it take over. And in doing that, we sometimes miss the real message anger is trying to send. When we ignore our anger, we’re often ignoring what we truly need—whether it’s respect, fairness, or just a basic sense of safety.
If we can start to view our anger as a kind guide rather than an enemy, we can open up a whole new way of responding to it. Anger isn’t there to destroy—it’s there to protect. It tells us that something in our life needs attention or isn’t sitting right with us. It urges us to stand up for ourselves, heal the parts that feel broken, and demand the care and respect we deserve.
In this way, anger is actually an expression of love. Not the soft, gentle kind of love we’re used to, but a fierce, protective love that refuses to let us settle for less. It’s that part of us that says, “I won’t let you be hurt like this anymore. You deserve better.” It’s the fire inside us that demands we honor ourselves, that we hold others accountable, and that we defend our right to be treated with care and respect.
When anger rises, it’s not a sign that you’re losing control. It’s a sign that something within you is fiercely advocating for your worth. Anger is not your enemy; it’s a protector. It wants you to see what’s broken, to acknowledge your pain, and to find the courage to demand healing. By recognizing and honoring this protective part of yourself, you allow anger to become a force for transformation—a force that ultimately helps you reclaim your power and rebuild trust on your terms.
In the end, anger isn’t something to be feared or pushed away. It’s an ally, a fierce reminder of the love and care you hold for yourself. It shows up when something valuable has been damaged, not to tear you down, but to lift you up, to protect you, and to push you towards healing. Anger is the part of you that loves you enough to demand better—both from yourself and from the world around you.
